if i let you know i'm here for you

i had a brilliant day today. and tomorrow i get to move two classes and literally go eat ice cream with all my smart friends, because my school does this thing where if you make honor roll, you get an ice cream party. and told i got a 100 back on a social studies essay and i never get 100s.

i had an audition for the school play. i got my first standing ovation. i mean, it was an audition. i don't know if i got a part or anything. but it felt pretty great.

i should probably go do somework now. i just kind of wanted to talk.

golden sunshine

weird title because my day really doesn't feel like golden sunshine.

i'm have a not good day. nothing happened to make it bad, except i got a headache and had to miss chorus, but nothing good happened either, except i made up with one of my friends. it's a long story, but he was mad at me and for a while he wouldn't walk me up the stairs to my next class, which was a REALLY gentlemany thing to do, but after we kind of fought everything was awkward and he wouldn't walk with me and it was terrible and really quiet.

but today he walked with me and i'm happy.

except i'm too tired all the time and sometimes i just wish everyone would shut up and other times i just wish everybody would talk to me. i don't even know what i want. i think i just want to go downstairs and play my ukulele. that and my ipod have pretty much become everything in my life.

pack your bags, cause i've already won

today the whole eighth grade class went over to the high school to take a tour of the tech division. in my group were a couple of my friends (elise, tim, brandon berlanger, miranda, noah, and ben garrett), but i just hung out with ben the whole time because idk i love ben. he's the conceited jock. every class has one. he's also like one of my best friends now.

we just talked the whole time because we're not going to the tech division, so who cares? we all know what we're going to be when we grow up anyways.

me: i'm going to be famous when i grow up.
noah: i'm going to go into business.
me: why?
noah: so i can get rich!
ben: i'm already rich.
noah: you are?
ben: yeah. i'll just keep being rich when i'm older and i won't have to work.
me: yeah right.
noah: maybe i'll just find an oil mine in my backyard so i won't have to work either.
me: now you've influenced him ben.
ben: sorry.

today in science bryce didn't do half of his project. we had to peer grade. me, adam, and bryce just walked around. we kind of just gave everyone an A, except josh, because we don't like him, and vonti, becase his project looked like a disaster area exploded onto some cardboard.

that's it for today okay byyeee

thanksgiving

it's tomorrow :) and i'm heading out to visit family, same with the day after. today's kristine's birthday. she's turning five.

i finished charlotte's web, obviously, and my birthday followed. report cards came out. honor roll, although barely ;) me and sam, tyler, eddie, liam, andrew, gabe, felecia, and krista all saw existing the fall in concert and it was incredible. tyler, sam, liam, eddie, and me all went down into the mosh pit (you know, like right in front of the stage) and it was pretty incredible.

except we were staying in a hotel (which my friend danny was also staying in which was awesome) and andrew, sam, and tyler had to room with this kid named marquis who wouldn't shut up all night, even after we got back from the concert, so sam was texting me all night about how tired he was and how he just wanted marquis to shut up.

so i'm just listening to music because it was a half-day from school today. i love music. i love listening to music and that's pretty much all i ever do anymore, really. but that's okay with me. music is good.

today me and kevin had to play this game in math and it was actually really funny because it was the most boring and confusing game i've ever played in my entire life. we ended up not understanding and just laughing and talking the whole class except when me teacher walked by and then we pretended we totally knew what we were doing, even though we absolutely did NOT.

to leave you i'm just going to put up a cute pic of me and sam and krista and felecia at the concert waiting outside in the entryway.

guess which one's me ;) and then sam (duh) and then krista and felecia's in the owl hat. byye have a good holiday people ;)

dance around in your pjs getting ready for school

When I grow up, I am going to be a cool mom.

i'm going to sing to them all the time and randomly just start baking cookies and letting them frost them and allowing my living room to be turned into a dragon's lair with forts made out of couch cushions and play beautiful music for my children all the time. I'm going to name them beautiful names and write stories about them and let them wear what they want and let them be creative.

i'm going to let them turn the kitchen into a dance studio and take lots of photos of them and we'll have a cat and they'll name him and i'll play pirates with them and pretend to pillage the towns around us. i'm going to make them the occasional coco until they're old enough to drink tea with me and sometimes just buy them clothes, if i have enough money, but even if i don't, i'll make it work and i'll let them pierce their ears if they want to.

i'm going to do some of the things my own mom did, like take them out for donuts on occasion and sing them bedtime songs and be silly sometimes and drive them places even if it's out of the way and buy lots of good, nutritious but still yummy food and not be picky about what they wear and who they hang out with as long as i know they'll behave.

i'm going to let them climb trees and i'm going to take them on crazy vacations and cuddle with them in the mornings and help with their homework and hug them before they get on the bus and let their friends come over all the time and i'll make decent food and i won't yell when i don't need to and i'll be open to everything all the time and i'll get them all ipods because ever child needs music in their life.

but no matter what, i'm going to hug them when they need it and ask if they're okay and i'm going to take them to church every week and tell them i love them and they can always be their own person and me and their father will love each other and love them and no matter what happens, i will be their mother and they will be my children and we will be family because i never want my children to feel like there's nobody there for them because that's the worst feeling in the world.

Happy Halloween :)

 HAHA ISN'T HE SPOOKY?

so sorry about the inconsistency of my posting. i've been super busy lately with rehearsals for two shows and well, school takes up a lot of the daytime now doesn't it? tonight, instead of going to a party or going trick or treating, i'm going to a rehearsal because, hey, this is no ameteur league. or maybe it is. i don't care. i don't really celebrate halloween anyways.

 today in science, me, bryce, and taryn thought our science project was due today, so we all freaked out and we were like WE'LL ALL FAIL. my teacher told us that it was due monday.

 me: ...
bryce: ...
me: ...
bryce: well. looks like we've got a couple more days to procrastinate.

 i hope everybody's doing well. i must leave you now with the most precious kitten in the entire world. love you :)

fold your paper heart

good night :)

quick update on people: noah got me all excited because F block got their math tests back, but apparently not A block (which is me.) so now i'm nervous. and i went to a two hour rehearsal and i'm super tired. kerri hurt my hand today at lunch and i have a bruise. i had to write a paper for social studies and max told me the government wants to kill everyone. my friend luke has four houses.

my birthday is very soon. i want an ipod that works. i want my friends to do something with me. i want to go eat food. i'm so bored. just look at james's attractive face for a while okay? he's the one with the smiley sign

help session

this afternoon, i went to help session for my math teacher. i quite honestly don't think the help sessions accomplish anything, i just go because ben (a new ben, not the one i was friends with last year) and noah go. i'm not dating either of them, don't worry. they're just friends of mine. two of my closest friends. the kind of friend you get in trouble with at help session with.

me and ben are always getting in trouble for talking, and i have no real classes with noah. they're both taller than me, which is rather lovely. i find it weird. this year, all my friends are guys. i guess girls just cause too much drama for me. i mean, of course, i'm still friends with girls. there's anita and bri and gummie and taylor and sarah and kendra and keri and alyssa and emily and kylee and majia, but i'm not really as close to a lot of them. compared to sam, obviously.

well. my internet connection is failing, so i'd better publish this before the circut shuts off. have a nice night, my friends. :)

gastly and lovely



just wanted to put a wee little update before I go to bed. i'm off with anita, elise, kyle, and julia tomorrow. right now, i'm cuddled up under a blanket, downloading music, watching rhoda with my sister and mother. i found a bunch of pictures of me and krista and ozzy this afternoon. it was kind of absolutely crazy.

 

we were so young. so happy and so colorful and so goofy. we're all toothy smiles and not makeup and awkward hoodies and bad haircuts and hats and skinny jeans and winter coats and snowball fights. ozzy's too short and krista's so awkward and i'm just tall and weird. i just miss those days. those awesome, terrible days, where we were careless and happy and didn't text each other and didn't know about anything at all.

 

before anything else happened. before kyle and anita and even before sam. before math grades and absolutely everything went crazy. i miss those days. goodnight.

touch the light, we're together now

 it's progress report time next week. and right now it's beautiful early october, what with it's colorful trees and early morning chills and extra homework and midterms and teeth chattering and seeing your breath and the anticipation of halloween, just around the corner. i love early fall. i love fall. i love every season. i had a good day today.

i have a lot of favorite things about fall. i love big, bulky, awkward sweaters. i have plenty of those and i bought one today. it's red and stripey and cute and cozy and comfy and soft. sweaters make me feel safe and warm and snug even though i'm at school in a cold classroom at a desk.

i hate to keep bringing up poor kyle like this, but he's transfering to my lunch period. i'm so happy. i missed him. for those who don't know me as well as i'd like, kyle is like my little brother. if you backtrack until last september, you'll see how i met kyle. he's one of my favorite things period. he gives hugs weird. he'll hug you, squeeze, hard, tight, and then go back to being sweet again. it's like the heimlech manuver or something.

one thing i do rather like now, though, is the bus rides to school. i really don't like my bus, because there are a lot of annoying people on there. but in the morning, the bus is all warm and the windows are all foggy and i can just listen to my ipod and block out all of the irritating people. everybody's all bundled up already, because it's just so cold in the morning. we all just roll up our sleeves later because it warms up later in the day.

and of course, halloween and thanksgiving and all those good stuff. and, let's not forget my birthday is in a month and i don't know what to do for it. probably something with sam. i don't know. i think i have to study for an english quiz tomorrow though, so we'll see yall later.

"you flip my words and change the tempo and somehow you just make it simple it's beautiful to see. you sing to me and my heart comes to life, beating for you every time it's beating, beating."-favorite song by tobyMac and Jamie Grace

i work in his factory

 Love is deep, love is wide, it covers us. Love is peace, love is strong, it's glorious.-Love by Jesus Culture

 The room's hush-hush and now's our moment, take a breath, keep it in, and hold it. Eyes on you, eyes on me, we're doing this right, because lovers dance when they're feeling in love, spotlight shining, it's all about us.-All About Us by He Is We/Owl City

 Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more.-A Thousand Years by Christina Perry

 When she's next to me I find it hard to talk. Standing on the edge of the globe, I think I might fall off. I melt like butter in the sun, a dozen stars in the sky, I'm high like helium, it's like Christmas in the summertime.-Christmas in the Summertime

 To someone as beautiful as she, who loves someone like me, love always finds a way, it's true. Love is beautiful, love is wonderful, love is everything, do you agree?-Ma Belle Evangeline from Princess and the Frog

 I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl who's desperately in love with you.-Superstar by Taylor Swift

Love is such a weird thing. It doesn't always have to be romantic. It could be the way you love football games, or the way you love snowdays, or the way you love taking walks around the park. I've found what I love. I love holding Emily's hand, and I love talking to Ronald, with his baby gibberish. I love just being with Hunter and knowing he's getting better all the time. I love cold autumn days where I wear Max's old sweatshirts, and I love doing the laundry with Lizzie. All these people I love and yet there's still room for more.-Jason from Grilled Cheese and Coco

ceiling made of stars

 the things of sam: insulin tips and jolly ranchers he leaves in my purse, midnight texts, movies, football games, singing, doing the spongebob, being awkwardly close, knees touching, long car rides, late night oovoo chats, gingersnaps, inside jokes.

 the things of kyle: the smell of his cologne, early morning hugs, lots of plans, cereal, candy bars, two lunch days, carrying him bridal-style, showchoir auditions, his hiccupy-giggly laugh, his smile in the hallways, skinny jean shorts, his purple phone, dancing, stars, cuddling when he's tired, naturally curly hair.

the things of anita: singing together, super-tight skinny jeans, hair dyye, overdue english homework, winks from across the class, pool parties, kids movies, games of clue, combos and watermelon, glasses, pizza, aligator lunch boxes, nike backpacks, complaining about boys, mayday parade.

the things of liam and ozzy: sitting stuffed on couches, band t-shirts, haircuts, superpowers, rocks, hiding under desks, manhunt at night, snowball fights, riding bikes, energy drinks, playing soccer, skateboards, swimming in kiddie pools, boxers, showering at camp, free samples, thrift shops, fudge, candy shops, hoodies, card games, m-rated video games, late at night with a flashlight, babysitting, car rides, tents, rain, losing the keys to my uncle's van, playgrounds.

the things of krista: one direction, gir, clothing swaps, sleepovers, the justin beiber movie, staying up late, the stars, cable tv, subway sandwiches and cookies, earrings, the playground, ambulances, police officers, ice packs, her dog, church, basketball, bikinis, embarrassing stories, magazine posters, the jesse mccartney shrine, oovooing sam, penguins.

we'd laugh at the stars and share everything, too young to notice and too dumb to care, love was a story that couldn't compare. I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing? I made you a present with paper and string, open with care now, I'm asking you please, you know that I love you,
will you marry me? now son I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things, you'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently.-Terrible Things by Mayday Parade

I'm Ready

 I'm ready for winter. I saw this picture and decided to make an entire post about things i'm looking forward to fall and winter.

 I'm ready for parkas and fingerless gloves and comfy boots and colorful leaves. I'm ready for chilly afternoons and schoolbus rides and apples and zip-up coats and the sevies. I'm ready for long-night phone calls and birthday parties and skateboards and long jeans. I'm ready for One Direction's new album and birthday cards and sweaters and warm socks and walking my dog and pumpkin-scented candles and Chrismas songs.

I'm ready for dumb homework and late-night texts and meeting new people and having to zip Kyle's coat up because he's an idiot. I'm ready for singing in the car and leaves falling and sips of coffee and eating donuts and sleepovers on Fridays. I'm ready for eating third lunch and memories and Stephen sitting behind me and kicking my seat on the bus and libraries and downloads and everything.

I'm ready for cute bracelets and wearing hats every day and apple cider and snuggling under the blankets wearing pajamas at four in the afternoon. I'm ready for ms. polly babysitting my brothers and lame board games and hanging out with the homeschool crew and staying up on oovoo with sam and watching Disney movies and reading old story books to aidan, casey, and kristine. I'm ready for leftover Halloween candy and blogging everyday and riding in the front seat.

I'm ready for Anita and Isis and Tristan and Molly and Bryce and Abby and Elise and Peter and Griffin and Kevin and Josh and Ben and Emma and Max and Kathleen and Cole and Tyler and everybody else there.

But more than anything else at that school, I'm ready for Kyle's goodmorning hugs, every day in front of my locker, right before advisory, quick, rushed, but still just a little happy thing to remind us that this is middle school and we don't have to grow up for four years and we can still hug in the hallways if we want to.

well...almost press play

 so i went to camp. it was lots of fun, blah, blah, blah. anyways. school starts on september 3rd, and it's gonna be another year with kyle and anita. (sam had to transfer out because of "legal reasons.")

i've talked to kyle literally every day for the past week, and i miss him so much. he's my baby brother, honestly. i hope this year, he'll be taller.

i hope everything changes this year.

 i want this year to be one i remember. of course, i'll remember seventh grade because it was my first real year in school. but this is eighth grade, i'm going to be top of the junior high school. i'm excited, a little nervous, but mostly just looking forward to seeing my friends again.

Let this be our little secret, no one needs to know we're feeling higher, you'll feel the love, you'll feel it in my, up and up we keep on climbing, higher and higher and higher.-Little Secrets by Passion Pit

Weekly update

Well, I wanted to do a text post and a picture post, so I'll just do both. :)

I also have about two hours before I have to go (off to ice cream with Sam, who has practically been living at my house this summer), so I also thought I'd update you guys, seeing as how my last post was about a week ago. And I'm also bored.

I leave for camp this Sunday, so don't expect many posts during the next week. If I do, it'll be off my iPod, so it won't be text posts.

So yeah Sam's been here at least twice a week for the...entire summer. And that's cool. It's just that I haven't seen much of anyone else. But that's okay. My other friends find it annoying though. And my sister still just thinks he's a weirdo.

Yep, I don't have much to say. So I'll just toss a couple pictures up. I'll probably shoot some pictures at you while I'm at camp, too, so don't die if I don't post. Byee.



 (er, sorry, this is Sam and me. this is our life. inside jokes. yeah)

Black And White

The water's rising around us, there is no other way down. I only have myself to blame for it all. Is it so hard for you? Was it so hard for me? To believe that what we dream could ever come to life again? If I could just erase my mind, but I cannot erase this lie.-Erase This by Evanescence