Cat got your tongue?

Why do people use such weird expressions? Example~ "Cat got your tongue?" "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" "As easy as taking candy from a baby" "You can't have your cake and eat it too" "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" I could go on forever! These are just a few pointless sayings that I hear. But here's the thing: These don't make any sense. Watch:

Cat got your tongue? : What? How would my cat get my tongue? Would he rip it out without me knowing? Then how could I answer? What am I supposed to answer? Yes?

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush: Why do you want a bird in your hand? It would fly away! Birds go in trees, not bushes! Who wrote that?

As easy as taking candy from a baby: Who would be cruel enough to take candy from a baby? The baby would cry and make a fuss and crawl after you. Call that easy?

You can't have your cake and eat it too: Who said? This makes sense, but why are we talking about cake at 10:23 in the morning? It just makes me hungry.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away: You're gonna need more then a little apple! What about if you get cancer? What if you break your neck? What if you catch swine flu or poison sumac or something? You can't cure them apples with apples. Ha ha! See what I did there?

Whoops! I almost forgot! Tornadoes game went great the other night, even though we lost. We ran into some of my dad's friends there. I found a new Mandy Meh! " Popcorn, EEYYYYUUUP!"

A list of things you should do before using a public pottie

Ugh! Here's a list that will guide you around having to use the public bathrooms:

1: When using a public bathroom, you often see signs telling you if there's anything wrong with the bathroom, tell the manager. Tell whoever and you may be better off. But this will only make the experience a tiny bit better.

2: Usually, you find random objects in the bathroom. (Beer bottles, watches, belts, sandwiches,) Never pick these up! They're gross and should be left for the restroom attendant ONLY. Trust me, take the advise. If you find money, keep that however.

3: Don't use Porto potties. I'm actually kind of scared of them. They're unsanitary and have lots of bugs. You may get sick. Also, you never know who's #1 and #2 are still in there. If it doesn't flush, it's mush.

4: Always wipe down the seat before and after using a public toilet. This won't make it anymore pleasant, but it's sanitary. If you're sick, you don't want to get other people sick. And vise-verse. This will make life more interesting in the future.

5: Make sure you are in the right restroom. I myself have once or twice gone in to the Men's bathrooms, so I'm telling ya, always check. Even at my church both pottie chambers are yellow, so you gotta be careful.

6: Never use one-stalls, especially if they don't lock. Someone could barge in and see you, and that's not a pleasant experience. If you can't hold it and the single is you're only chance, you have 3 choices. 1: Go in your pants. 2: Go in the grass. 3: Knock before entering and tape a sign reading 'Occupied' to the door. Please remember to remove the sign when done, for this may cause confusion.

7: Hold up all baggy shirts and sweaters. You don't want them in the toilet, so remember to lift when you're 'going'. This will not only keep you dry, it'll save the water in the toilet from being 'shirt-itized'. Fun, fun, fun!

Well, I could give you Lot's of tips, but it's time for me to go. Bye!

TORNADOES!

Tonight, to celebrate father's day, my family are going to a Wooster Tornadoes game! Isn't that awesome? We did it last year too. The ice cream was amazing, I got an autograph from Twister (the mascot) but let's not forget about the game! The tornadoes lost, but it was still lots of fun. I can't wait until we go! Hopefully the game isn't rained out. If it pours, I want a refund! Now, this is my dad's treat for fathers day, so we better not loose! WHO'S WITH ME? Do I see all 3 people who read this blog raising their hands? I hope so! If you aren't a father, just go to the game by yourself, or with your girlfriend or with your Sushi. Whichever you like! I want to just tell my dad, if he's reading, that he's the best dad on earth! Only one dad that tops you, and it's God. But on this planet, YOU ROCK! P.S. Thanks for the rope swing. Bonn voyage, Tornadoes fans!

Rocko for Dummies

I have now read the book Golden retrievers for dummies, and I now know that Rocky is very special. I love my dog like crazy, and he is currently right next to me. Now, going way back, I used to have a dog named Chewy. That dog HATED me! Stupid fluffy teeny monster dog! Now, I am acquainted with several dogs. There's Beauty, my friend Jessica's dog. And Chloe, my Uncle Chuck's dog. Then there's Sadie, Grammy's dog. And Zorro, Tashi, Emma, Buddy, and more! I must say, though, that Rocky is my favorite. There is not a cuddlier, sweeter, Dumber, sillier, crazier, better dog anywhere in the world. Rocky is 5 now and will be six in September. I will love him no matter what. Oh, more news! We're getting approved for adoption today, hopefully! This is the day! Everyone, cross your fingers and start praying! We need all the hope we can get. Well, whoever we adopt, they'll have a great new dog! Good by, fellow Americans! And Texans! And Marzipan's! And Polish! And Finnish! And Scottish! And Swedish!

I have my first performance!

Hey. For the last three years of co-op talent shows, I have been doing a comedy act, Cass Comedy. This year, I took it to new heights. Cass Comedy re-loaded is packed with jokes and skits, all written by me. But in 3 days, CCR is moving from co-op to stage. Pastor Mike saw the comedy act about two years ago, and I think he thought it was funny. This Saturday night I will be performing at my church's spaghetti dinner, hosted by Ms. Joanie and Stephanie, her grand-daughter. Me and Corrina June (who will be my assistant) are kicking things off with skits by me, followed by a classic joke act from year 2. We have twists and turns that will leave you begging for more. So if you're looking for some laughs, come on down to my church! We have surprises for everyone, and you'll laugh so hard, you'll fall out of your seat. And please wear socks, cause they will be knocked off. Well, speaking of knocked (or more of falling) off, my dad built us a rope swing. It was inspired by my friend Jessica's rope swing that was the main attraction at her birthday sleep-over. Me, Jessica, Maura (another friend), and my new friend Samantha had a great time. So, I gotta go rehearse for my big show. See ya!