kid i couldn't live without you...

haha, sometimes i think you're a jerk.
you really know how to annoy me.
you are the one person who knows exactly how to make me want to punch you in the mouth.
we never agree on anything.
you always have to be right.
it's all about you, isn't it?
you're gonna make fun of me no matter what.
and you're gonna one-up me all the time.

but you're my brother.
sometimes i call you just to rant.
we text all the time.
every time i'm depressed, you know exactly what's wrong.
when im crying, you find a way to make it better.
sometimes we laugh so hard that we don't make any more sound.
we're always in trouble for talking in class.
you're the goofy one, im the crazy-in-the-head one.
and we have way too many inside jokes.

but whenever some guy is making fun of me,
some dude's calling me fat,
crazy, ugly, stupid, whacked,
and some number of others,
you're the first to stand up, before even the teacher,
yelling "YO, nobody talkes to my sister like that!"
and you get into the fight, not caring about suspention,
and you never get in trouble for it.
you yell at the jerky kids when i need you to
you've got my back, sam.
you're my best friend, brother, and you let me know
that i gotta have swag, self-confidence, let your light shine.
to not care what they think and not play by the rules.
you gotta listen to bob marley and nirvana sometimes,
and you gotta smile and run because you got some kid in trouble.
you make me so mad, kid.
you never shut up, and you never sit down.
but without you, bro, this school would be so much quieter.
you make a grand entrance, kid.
you make a grand exit.

happy birthday sam. four days late lol

you have one too

It's been said that every girl has one guy that she trusts with her life.

Someone you tell everything too, and they listen. They know your secrets, where you live, your phone number, your best friend's phone number, your first pet, your favorite color, food, and pair of jeans, they know the weird things that maybe not everyone else does.

I used to have three. Ozzy and Liam are my brothers and they always will be, but Ozzy moved away.  Liam won't always be there. I'm stuck with Sam and Ben and Kyle I guess, but they don't know anything about me.

Sometimes I just wish people would stop changing and they would just stay in the same spot forever. But we all know that I wouldn't be able to stay for more than five seconds without having a nervous breakdown or getting bored. This is so confusing....

perfect...

When I get a boyfriend,

He will be perfect,

For me, at least,

He'll be taller than me,

And stronger than me,

Maybe have blue hair,

Maybe colored skinny jeans.

He'll be funny, smart,

Unique, happy,

He'll love Jesus and popcorn,

Unicorns and pictures,

He'll laugh at my jokes,

He'll call me every night,

He'll play guitar or something,

We won't fight,

We'll look cute together,

When I cry, he'll know why,

We'll like the same music,

Know where we're going

When we die,

He won't hate my emo,

He might have a little too,

He'll encourage me,

Be there for me,

And every other thing.

My parents will think he's nice,

My friends will think he's chill,

He'll yell at all the kids I don't like

When they're being little jerks to me.

He'll care and I swear

That he exists.

Sending our people to another ****in country to die

Blood on the Dance Floor. Allday everyday.

So hi guys. Been a little bit, eh? Not really. So what's up? I heard this song today, find your way, and I really liked it, except swearing makes every song a little worse, and it's kind of funny that i found the one line in this song with a swear to post, heh, but it's my favorite. I really like it, and I don't listen to botdf too often.

Anyways, enough music talk. Let's talk about my friend Sam. Today, at school, he walks out of homeroom wearing...wait for it...bright, bright orangish-red hoodie. Girls, very obviously.

So in the next class, this is our conversation.

Me: Um, that sweater...
Sam: Yeah I know its so comfortable!
Me: Sam, where'd you buy that?
Sam: Dan (his twin brother) gave it to me.
Me: Um...that's a girl's hoodie.
Sam: No way! Dan told me to buy it at Old Navy!
Me: Sam, I'm your best friend. I always tell you what's wrong with you in no uncertain terms, like when you wear too-tight girls skinnies, or shirts with chihuahuas on them, or when there's a pencil stuck in your afro. I would not lie to you. THAT is a girl's sweatshirt.
Sam: No way!
Me: Ellaina, is that a girl's sweatshirt?
Ellaina: Yes! It's so cute!
Taylor: OMG, it is! Where'd you get it?
Sam: Old Navy, but-
Taylor: Let me try it on!
Sam: It's not-
Kyle: Sam, I have a pair of paints that same color!
Sam: Well, okay-
Vienna: Oh, yeah, that's really cute, what store?
Meghan: It's too girly.
Sam: OKAY IT'S A GIRL'S HOODIE!

It is. And he told about a hundred girls where he got it. Haha.

An that's my story today! Tune in next time to hear about how Taryn was on the phone with Shane and she saw a hooded figure coming up her driveway. She instantly started screaming "KIDNAPPER" and ran upstairs.

Yeah, it was Cody's mom, asking if Taryn's mother wanted to help out with the elementary school's PTA bake sale...

Oh. I guess I already told you. No need to tune in next time :)

a letter to ***

dear ***
(im not mentioning any names because i dont want to sound gossipy but i do want to get this out)

i cant believe ur one of my best friends and u act like this. u think u own me and that im going to do everything ur way. u know how insecure i am about my looks, y do u make it a policy to point them out? okay, ur sweet, funny, and i luv u to death, bro, but ur kind of a jerk. u care about urself and thats it. its funny how i didnt even notice until ****** pointed it out. im not gonna share ur name cuz that would be rude and i dont want to seem gossipy, but i need to tell u, without u knowing, that im sick of this. im gonna talk to u about it later, but seriously, you and ******** are being really jerky to me right now. im serious, if u do this one more time, u can think about getting a new friend. and u know how much i dont like it, ive told u so many times. please stop. and u too, *******. ive talked to u guys. u dont want me saying those things to u. enough of this. if u dont stop, think about getting some new friends. because i cant stand it.

i had to talk to u about this,
cassidy

rescue me

so tired of trying to be perfect
so tired of trying
even thought you see me smile,
inside im dying
i feel like screaming my heart out
but youll never see me crying
baby you know i love you
im just goodbying
im falling inside a pit so black
full of memories of my past
never wanted to see them here
boys ive hurt and countless fears
my heart is broken in so many pieces
i can barely see
locked up inside a tiny cage
somebody rescue me
somebody rescuse me
dont want to cry
dont want to scream
just hold me tight,
itll be alright,
and we'll be fine
this will all pass sooner or later
my day isn't over yet
we will stand up, overcome
breaking the dawn just yet
my heart is broken in so many pieces
i can barely see
locked up inside a tiny cage
somebody rescue me
somebody rescuse me
somebody rescue me
somebody rescue me

<3

this HAD to happen...-_-

Really?
You have to ruin this?

Okay, I will admit, my most recent posts have been rather...nice. For me. They've been all writery and cute and poem-and-picturey, not my norm. But this post is going to have to just be me yelling at somebody for something they can't help. Like the good ole days!

So here's the thing: remember my friend Emma? Well, she slept over this weekend. We had a great time and stayed up late and painted out nails and listened to music blah blah. Texted my friend Brian a thousand times at three AM, he sent me a picture of his creepy demon cat, typical things.

Well we were just talking and out of the blue Emma goes "Ben likes you."

I choked on chips right about then. "What? Are you serious?"
"Yeah. I asked him, 'do you like Kitty,' and he gave me that look."
"What look?"
"The look someone gives you when you know that if you answer them with the answer they think you're going to give them will be lying so they just give you that look!"
-_-
"Not helpful at all."
"But yes, he likes you."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
RRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY? WhywhywhywhywhyWHY did this have to happen? I mean, I love Ben and all, but I don't want to date Ben! You saw my post! You saw our awkward friendship! HOW LONG HAS HE LIKED ME? Oh goodness maybe I'm just oblivious maybe it's been months.

This is starting to slowly kill me...

And the thing is: I haven't talked to him since Friday. So now I'm just gonna go to school and act totally normal around him? Right? Because this is something that happens to me every day, you know, your best friend ends up having a little crush on you.

ROAR couldn't it be someone I don't like? Like Jimmy? I don't like Jimmy. I wouldn't mind rejecting Jimmy if he asked me out. That I could handle.

But BEN? ARG why does the one person that I will not date happen to

I'm sorry. I haven't really loaded you guys up with boy drama yet. Because it doesn't happen often with me. I try to avoid drama. But this is like...sorry. I don't know what to do, you guys. I don't want him to know I know, because if he knows I know, then we'll both know that I knew and then the whole school will know and when they know they think we've been dating and we were lying and then that's going to be great for our reputations that are already so, so great.

The rumors. How do I react to those. "Hey, are you and Ben dating?"

Oh, no, actually, but apparently he gave Emma a look, somehow symbolifying that he likes me, but I was just recently informed of this and I don't like him back, actually, he's one of the many boys in our school that I wouldn't date, but not because I don't like him, just because we're too good friends to ruin it.

Well consider it ruined.

This is going to be an awkward day...